 
TODD ROSENTHAL
 
| Aliases: |
Klepto, Diesel |
| Date of Birth: |
April 27, 1982 |
| Hometown: |
Rockville, MD |
| Height: |
6'3" |
| Weight: |
215 pounds |
| Build: |
Large |
|
| Hair: |
Yes |
| Eyes: |
2 of them |
| Complexion: |
Fair |
| Sex: |
Yes, please |
| Race: |
500 meter champion |
| Nationality: |
American |
|
| Occupation(s): |
Public speaker, Veterinarian technician, First Responder, Janitor for the Oval Office. At present, Todd is writing his latest novel, "How to Eat Exotic Birds and Wipe Your Ass with a Pinecone." His 1st novel, "1001 Things That Go Through Your Head While Getting Head in the Shower," is currently a #1 New York Times bestseller and being optioned for a movie. Todd also enjoys trying to grow a goatee, saving and taking lives as he sees fit, extreme sports (such as white water kayaking, rock climbing, martial arts, & mountain summiting), accusing innocent children of a donkey punch, and tic-tac-toe. |
| Scars & Marks: |
Birthmark in the shape of Australia on his scrotum |
| Remarks: |
As a baby, Todd forged his own birth certificate. He remembers his own birth and was draped in a Saudi Arabian flag right after expultion. He was born on a mountain top, the lovechild of two bears. He ate his own umbilical cord for survival. |
CAUTION
TODD IS WANTED IN ALL 50 STATES AS WELL AS SEVERAL FOREIGN COUNTRIES. HE IS TO BE CONSIDERED UNARMED AND EXTREMELY HARMLESS. HIS CRIMES INCLUDE: STEALING SIGNS & CANDY FROM A BABY, TRIPPING OVER THE WIRE OF A CORDLESS PHONE, AND MAKING FALSE ACCUSATIONS ABOUT THE BIBLE. HE COULD BE IDENTIFIED BY HIS MISSING RIGHT PINKY TOE, WHICH HANGS FROM HIS EAR AS AN EARRING.
   
Copyright © 1999-2003, Frederick William Springer III
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